deliverance

The Music

 

Belief isn’t something you can fake. We’ll see it right behind the eyes. It’s an unwavering light that makes passerby’s stop for a moment and smile. No cloud cover can dim it’s approach because belief pierces even the darkest day. It’s stronger than the words I write and screams out louder than thunder. If it were a wave, it would roll across the face of the earth and wash all doubt away.

If you have it nothing I can say will change it. If you don’t each pointed word will sway you like the branches of a willow tree. I’ll hear the rustling even before I’ve finished speaking. Now I’m not talking about belief in God. Although, the same rules apply. I’m talking about belief in a dream that’s larger than you.

My last post was about believing in hope again. Actually, for those who know me, it went much deeper than a whimsical dream. See, I’ve never had a problem seeing the sunny side of the street. Although, I can’t say I always live there, I certainly have the address down. It’s been more difficult to catch the light these days. I could blame it on my oldest and my ex, but somehow that feels hollow. What they did cut into my belief system deeper than any preacher could. Once I found my way past the betrayal and pain, I realized that sometimes you have to slice through everything you believe so there’s room to grow. Painful as epic life changing events can be there’s no substitute that will make you stand up and say “Oh hell, screw it” faster.

I don’t know where this is going. Maybe that’s just about the right place to be. How much can we actually control anyway? We might just be those feathers in Forest Gump catching a breeze, searching for a good place to rest a while. Or maybe we’re that plastic bag on the side of the street being dragged through puddles and ripped apart by the elements. I like to think we’re all little bits of dandelions blown into the air by small children playing in some cosmic garden…and giggling.

I suppose it doesn’t really matter because my beliefs don’t rattle or shift even when the ground below is slowly sinking. They can take my pride (only gets me in trouble anyway) and my money (yeah, I’m laughing too) and my ability to construct fanciful adventures (I know, the tally stands at one, but I’m working on it), but they will never, ever take away my belief in me.

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Categories: answers, belief, certainty, deliverance, Drive by life, freedom, love, messages, moving forward, purpose | Tags: | 1 Comment

Brushing Keys & Building Dreams

 

 

It took a flash brighter than lightning on a starless night for me to see. If not for the scream of a handful of words, I might still be blind. I won’t admit to the tears, because I’m too stubborn to let them fall. I won’t admit to the twist in my stomach, because I’m too thick skinned to let it bubble past the surface. I won’t admit defeat, because I don’t really know the meaning. Instead, I’ll let them scrub the insides clean.

~   ~   ~

Will you know when your paradigm shifts? Will anyone be there to care? I ask these questions often, and then I wonder if they matter. Mine shifted tonight and when I saw the stars again, my three were right where I left them. The comfort of the familiar steadied me. I let the gathered expectations of the last nine months blow away. They piled up when I wasn’t looking, but then I guess we miss the dust bunnies until we’re stepping on them.

Here’s the hardest part of revelation: when it finally happens, no one may be there to share it and no matter how loud you scream no one will hear it.

Instead, I’ll leave it here. Though you won’t understand every word you’ll feel it with me; the excitement that borderlines mania, the fear that borderlines terror, the hope that borderlines faith. When the sharp breath hits like that wall you didn’t see coming, you’ll know. You’ll see it’s all part of who I was, who I am, and who I hope to be. Seek me out to hear the smile in my voice or walk by with a quick uneasy glance; either way I’ll be here brushing keys and building dreams in cloud shaped castles.

Categories: answers, belief, choosing faith, contentment, deliverance, Drive by life, heart, love, messages, mistakes, purpose, questions, relationships, unconditional love | Tags: | Leave a comment

Taken to Wing

 

 

When the world finds me

I will be in darkness

search through despair

needle thin and blade edge sharp

with a care reserved for the most sacred

 

And when at last you stumble across

the tattered and broken remains of what was

do not mourn the sight

your eyes might betray you

for it is no longer me

 

The me you once knew

swing bound and loose with carefree thought

has taken to wing

an ethereal flight, ancient and chaste,

down the clandestine course

to destinations not yet conceived

by the minds of men

 

~   ~

~   ~   ~

“I want a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me…”

Categories: belief, certainty, choosing faith, deliverance, Drive by life, freedom, lettng go, messages, unconditional love | Tags: | 3 Comments

Soulmates

They say there’s a point, so I listen.
They say it exists, so I wait.
They say something’s coming, so I hope.

But in the…
listening
and waiting
and hoping

I become lost to the schemes
they’re selling
a shell game wish
the bliss, so far removed
still laughing  because I must
though trust, is a card shift away

On the corner, they’re yelling
still shelling out rage
While the sage, stand close by
I would take their silence
as deliverance
even when relevance

becomes irreverent
if just to soothe, my weary mind.

Categories: deliverance, Drive by life, heart, love, messages, relationships, relevance, shell games, soul mates | Tags: | 2 Comments

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