Sometimes you forget how it all began; the way you originally intended everything to fall into place. We get lost in all the crap life throws at us. Soon, you’re looking around wondering how the hell you got to this place when it’s so far from where you started.
Only, here’s the thing, it wasn’t supposed to end up anywhere at all.
Love without condition. That was the bargain made, but I faltered somewhere between the “I love you’s” and the words that felt like so much more. Now, when I read them again, fuming with frustration, I remember the handshakes and the walls I never meant to build. I remember how easy it was because I didn’t make it hard; I didn’t make it anything but love.
How should I expect someone whose depth is measured in degrees of “only so much and no more” to respond?
I knew the risks that day on the pier. The little bits of moonlight on the wave crests were reflections of my future heart, shattered. Yet, I jumped over the railing without checking the water’s depth, because I had to see where that current would take me.
Do I regret a single moment? I can smile and say no without even a second thought.
Whatever happens from here is out of my hands. I’ve thrown my word tantrums and “poor me’s” into the stream. Now, I’m going to breathe, remember that love requires nothing to exist, and follow the blinking cursor to my next book.
The only thing I’m absolutely sure of is that he gave me one hell of a ride.
Xo ❤ oX