Monthly Archives: October 2011

Brushing Keys & Building Dreams

 

 

It took a flash brighter than lightning on a starless night for me to see. If not for the scream of a handful of words, I might still be blind. I won’t admit to the tears, because I’m too stubborn to let them fall. I won’t admit to the twist in my stomach, because I’m too thick skinned to let it bubble past the surface. I won’t admit defeat, because I don’t really know the meaning. Instead, I’ll let them scrub the insides clean.

~   ~   ~

Will you know when your paradigm shifts? Will anyone be there to care? I ask these questions often, and then I wonder if they matter. Mine shifted tonight and when I saw the stars again, my three were right where I left them. The comfort of the familiar steadied me. I let the gathered expectations of the last nine months blow away. They piled up when I wasn’t looking, but then I guess we miss the dust bunnies until we’re stepping on them.

Here’s the hardest part of revelation: when it finally happens, no one may be there to share it and no matter how loud you scream no one will hear it.

Instead, I’ll leave it here. Though you won’t understand every word you’ll feel it with me; the excitement that borderlines mania, the fear that borderlines terror, the hope that borderlines faith. When the sharp breath hits like that wall you didn’t see coming, you’ll know. You’ll see it’s all part of who I was, who I am, and who I hope to be. Seek me out to hear the smile in my voice or walk by with a quick uneasy glance; either way I’ll be here brushing keys and building dreams in cloud shaped castles.

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Categories: answers, belief, choosing faith, contentment, deliverance, Drive by life, heart, love, messages, mistakes, purpose, questions, relationships, unconditional love | Tags: | Leave a comment

True Love

I spent the evening with memories; the words that cut just deep enough to make me remember what it was like to get lost in silence. I thought they would have more meaning, but halfway through I realized something I forgot…

…they’re not for me. Not really, because in the end each letter was placed just so for YOU.

Something about that should upset me. Instead, I find myself indifferent.

When I was younger I would dream of him. He took many forms, all of which included a hint of sparkly dust around the edges. Everytime he looked into my eyes the world would sigh a little. But isn’t that what we’re taught true love looks like?

I wonder how many of us are actually prepared for the real world of love and romance. The simplicity of it is stunningly unimpressive. Sure, in the beginning the eyes google and the heart skips, but after a while it becomes…ummm…(see the word I want to use here is flaccid)…well let’s just agree it becomes mired in the everyday crap that pulls us down.

I want to get back to strings and cans, to corkscrews, and to comfortable silences on faulty lines, ’cause even in the quiet you can hear my every word. I want to be the one story you’ll never quite finish.

Once we were everything, once we were nothing, once we were the love that you couldn’t put into words. So much has changed over the last year, including the us that once existed. We can find our way back or at least fan the embers still burning in the hidden parts we don’t show them. It doesn’t take much really…

…just a little love.

Categories: Drive by life | 1 Comment

Life Well-Lived

Silence is our gift. We knew that once when the earth was still young enough to hold wonder. In the darkness of night, the crickets chirped and leaves rustled to make us aware of the quiet. When the chimes ring, I remember for a moment what newness feels like. The stars shine bright against a moonless sky. I sense life ancient and unnamable in their twinkle. It is then I know without doubt I am connected to what came before and what will be after.

So often we talk about living in the now. While such thoughts carry merit, I wonder how often we’re disconnected from our past and future. Life is a cycle of movement. At the second you finish reading this sentence the words will join the past. Does that mean they are no longer worthy of your interest?

My point here is simple. Each moment connects to another to create a stream….in it we laugh or cry or live. Because it ends or has yet to happen doesn’t mean that the value is lost. If we are to be the sum of our parts then every experience, past-present-future, collide to become who we are. In a universe of change it’s vital to know where you’ve been, to understand where you are, and prepare for where you’ve yet to venture.

Every experience will shape you whether you have a chance to live it or not. We all know this life leads to one place. It is the same destination for every person no matter his or her rank. So in the end it isn’t some glorious race to finish first, but to finish well. A life well-lived will be remembered if only by a single person. Can any of us say that isn’t worth it?

Categories: answers, belief, certainty, choosing faith, heart, messages, purpose | Tags: | 2 Comments

Safety Net

 

There’s a part of us that wants to save them, to be the safety net when they go strolling across the wire. We know each unsteady step could be the next to cause the fall. The problem is they need to keep walking because you can never grow if you stop. I want to save him, from the pain and uncertainty. Maybe it’s my ego that wishes he’d come running into my arms when the entire world becomes unsteady. My heart tells me to reach out and pull him down, but my head knows better.

If you hold too tight to something it stops moving completely because your iron grip doesn’t allow for anything, even breath. Few crimes are as great as the one that causes someone to wither and fade. I’d be the last to keep him from the journey. Not all mountains can be scaled hand-in-hand. This is one he must climb alone. I’m left as the star tucked just behind that cloud over there. When the wind returns to push him forward it will clear the sky long enough for a light to call. It’ll be my voice echoing out to lead him home.

 

Intrepid heart

Steadily climbing

Finding, the hills are mountains

The footings are off

The soft ground threatens

It swallows the unsure

But he’s pure, of intention

 

Sky mapped

Little stars

Holding scars, long past their due

He’ll keep walking

Arms stalking his shadow

Just in case he falls

Watching it all, from a distance

 

Mountains scaled

Journey’s end

He’ll bend, but never break

In the wake of triumph

She’ll gather the glow

So slow, to catch every piece

Placing each back in the sky

Then fly, up to join them

Categories: Drive by life, freedom, heart, journeymen, lettng go, love, messages, purpose, relationships, the next step, tightrope walkers | Tags: | 2 Comments

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